Category: Joke Board
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit
their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high
school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the
amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,
like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes
around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of
looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a
pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories,hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag
filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had
an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another
city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots
when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced
across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains,
one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the
other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket
fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was
the East River .
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do..
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from
stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one
slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard
bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
These are funny. Wow.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots
when you fry them in hot grease.
What the hell? Who fries maggonts?
I also loved the one about her laughter being throaty just like the sound a dog makes before it throws up. ROFLMAO
lol, I really gotta wonder about number 24.
Love it. lmfao
I really gotta wonder what fahter runs after his kids with power tools? I showed this to my friends at tech school, and we were...uh...hmm what's the best word for this...rofling. yeah, rofling works. Ok, not an actual word, but o well.
oh wow, this is good.
If we had written anything like that when i was in school we would of been in trouble. thats a mess and its sad that our high school children are that under educated.
Omg Lmaoo! I love that!
4, 9, 16, and 25. Lmao. Genius writing right there. Lol and yeah 24 is kinda scary, whose American tradition is that? This was great.
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum, holy shit! Some of those are pretty scary. Bells? Like a garbage truck backing up? And fathers chasing their kids with power tools? The parents of these students should be worried. And that particular student shouldn't become a parent.
And I really don't think it's that the children are under educated, but they choose not to learn and take offered help. Trust me, I've even tried to help some of these poor teens out, and the help is shunned and scorned.
Wow! Doesn't our future look bright?
My personal favorite was #18. That's awesome!
omg, omg, omg. These are hilarious! roflmao.
Laughs, I wonder, do they ever think before they wrote this things. Some don't make sense. Fun, I'm waiting for this years winners.
Oh yeah. And just for the record, most of these are actually similes, not metaphors.